he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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