John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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