My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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