then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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