when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
