What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
