There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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