the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
