Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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