College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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