I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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