i love accidental penises.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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