the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
