the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize