Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
