i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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