is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
