I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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