trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
