My liver just broke up with me...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize