my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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