Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
