At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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