You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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