Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
