i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
