Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
