She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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