I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
