just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
