you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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