I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
