i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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