THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
