Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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