so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
