I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
