i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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