her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
