i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
