Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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