I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
