I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
