so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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