I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
