some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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