So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
