he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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