i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
