you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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